Truth to be told, I have a bit of a control freak tendency and many friends and family would agree, but continue to love me for it - most of the time I'm sure! However I have been reflecting on this lately ("Time to Reflect" I guess!) as part of my Reiki practice and I am more aware of the effect it has on my and others wellness. I need to lessen it's hold.

As I write this I have committed to not answer my phone and concentrate on this particular subject. A good example of not "letting go" and "holding on" came from my decision to out source my website management to Otters Pool Studio (www.otterspoolstudio.co.uk). Whilst I have no real technical capability I had a significant degree of anxiety about not being in control. I seriously found it extremely difficult to step back and trust others to do what I needed. The absolute terror of not being in charge.

I am sure we have all felt the same at some point, to a greater or lesser extent about a whole range of things, many much more important. Obviously I can only write about my personal experience but I do often see it in other people and feel there are common themes.

What need is being fulfilled in us when we don't "let go"?

Is it that we wish to be seen as organised and competent? The "go to" person who can fix our problems? A need to be seen achieving? The sense of safety in order and routine? Maintaining the status quo? Minimising the risk of failure? To be seen as perfect? Living up to others expectations? Seeking praise or affirmation? To not be judged?

If I let go, maybe I'll fall?

Our outward behaviour in meeting these needs is obviously driven by our emotional conditioning. The lessons we have learnt through life from the positive and negative messages and reactions we have received from a whole host of sources. We can't "unhear" or "unexperience" these things, they are part of us and makes us the wonderful people that we are. However, understanding this conditioning, for some of us, is the start of "letting go".

Let's just start by thinking about the words "holding on" and "letting go".

Say them to yourself, silently or aloud. What do you feel about each of them? What does your body feel like when you do so? I know it seems obvious but there is so much more effort involved in feeling the "holding on" energy.

I am not suggesting the "letting go" feeling is easy, very far from it. Just try a small thing out of interest - try smiling whilst you say it. Also with "holding on". Any difference?

For me, the effect of the words "holding on" feels tense and tight and rigid - a bit like a tight fitting dress. I feel a bit "armoured". Anyway, in order to let go of things, behaviours, physical feelings, emotions I believe we need two things - a reason and a safety net - a great big net!

I think often the reason is easier to come by, but the "net" can often be a difficult one. Who do I trust to support me, who can help me? What will replace what I let go of, if anything? Will I be the same lovely person?

Many people do not have the blessing of support or the ability to put trust in others. Others will have their faith or family/friends to support them. Their Wingmen or women I suppose. Sometimes we need to be more open to asking for support that we need to gain the things we wish. Often only by sharing our vulnerability can we allow other people to share theirs and support us.

I believe that if you are able to let go of stuff (whatever that is) the intention is to create space for other things to fill it. Sounds very trite but maybe it is even as simple as "time" that fills it. Time that you may find to do things that you would not have had the opportunity for.

I don't believe that "letting go" is about absolving responsibility but about allowing space for other things to come into your life. It is permission.

I read an interesting quote about how stars are formed: "For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth."

Shine, with love Brightwater Reiki.